You don't even need to be a good dancer: Reflecting on memories of Daddy Daughter Dance
James E. CauseyThe Daddy Daughter Dance made a return to Milwaukee over the weekend after a two-year hiatus due to COVID-19 and I’m happy because I know how much fun it was for hundreds of dads and daughters at North Division High School.
But I’m also sad because I wasn't be able to take my daughter, Taylor, this year. At 19, my little princess has aged out one of Milwaukee Recreation’s most popular events, one that is a chance for dads, grandads, uncles, brothers, or any male role model to dance, eat and showcase their young ladies.
My daughter and I attended four dances and each one was bigger and better than the last. The night is special because it’s our night to dress fancy; go out; eat, and dance until our feet hurt.
Aside from the dinner and dancing you realize over time how fast your daughters grow up. At the first dance I took Taylor to, only half the gym was used. At the last dance, I almost waited too long to get our tickets and nearly missed out with 1,000 participants.
The dance is more than a fun evening. The event helps forge relationships between the men and the young ladies in their lives, creating memories that will last a lifetime.
You don't need to be a good dancer
When I asked Taylor her best memories from the daddy daughter dance, I expected her to say when we were featured on the Milwaukee Recreation fliers with me holding her, or when she saw one of her girlfriends at the event.
But she surprised me when she said her best memories were just spending time with me – her daddy.
Her second favorite thing was the "daddy/daughter dance-off." During the dance-off, the gymnasium is split in half. The girls take one side with the dads taking the other. Homer Blow, the DJ for the event, plays (age-appropriate) music with the girls going first with a song from their generation as the dads watch and film. Then the dads go, with the daughters recording and mostly laughing when Homer plays music from our generation.
Blow serves as the judge, and come to think of it, every dance we’ve attended the dads have never won the dance-off.
It’s called the daddy daughter dance, but you don’t have to be a good dancer. You don’t even need to know the latest songs, because it’s not about that, it's about the connection between being there and being active in your daughter’s life.
My favorite part of the night is when all the dads and daughters take to the dance floor for Luther Vandross’ “Dance with My Father” song.
“Back when I was a childBefore life removed all the innocenceMy father would lift me highAnd dance with my mother and me and thenSpin me around till I fell asleepThen up the stairs he would carry meAnd I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chanceAnother walk, another dance with himI'd play a song that would never ever endHow I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again…”
It was my first-time slow dancing with my daughter.
I remember that so well because the emotion in that song causes some men and their daughters to shed a tear or two.
Dance is one of the largest of its kind
There are too many reasons to list why daddy and daughter relationships are important, but studies say the following:
- Daughters do better in school
- It improves their daughter’s self-esteem and confidence
- And it sets the bar for their daughter’s adult relationships
- It opens up communication
Milwaukee’s Daddy Daughter Dance has come a long way since it started in 2004 with about two dozen dads and daughters dancing to music in the North Division gym. The last dance before COVID had 1,000 participants, said Jason Blocker, Milwaukee Recreation supervisor.
Over the years, Blocker said the event has also become more diverse attracting dads and daughters from all over southeastern Wisconsin.
“I know there are other daddy daughter dances out there, but I believe we are one of the longest-running and largest in the state if not the nation,” Blocker said.
Memories for Mahogany have special meaning through life's struggles
In 2015, I gave tickets to the dance to Mahogany and Tyrone Carson, after he told me about his daughter’s medical journey.
Carson said Mahogany’s life has been a struggle since the day she was born. Mahogany spent the first six months of her life in intensive care at Children’s Hospital at Wisconsin after she was born with a double outlet right ventricle, a rare congenital heart defect in which the left and right atria of the heart are connected to the same ventricle.
The condition meant Mahogany’s heart could only pump blood out but could not allow it to come back in. The condition also caused her to be smaller than most girls her age.
Carson said if he added up all the days his daughter had been in the hospital it would come to nearly two years.
“But you never see her down,” he said in an email to me.
At the dance, Mahogany, then 6, was all smiles in her white dress accented with pink roses. Carson, 50, appeared more in awe, especially when his daughter was bobbing around him to the “Cupid Shuffle” dance.
When “Dance with My Father,” came on, Mahogany stood on Carson's feet as they slowly danced together.
After the dance he shook my hand, Mahogany hugged Taylor, and he called the event one of his best with his daughter.
The two would go to the dance again in 2016, before Carson and his longtime partner, Sherita King, moved to Chandler, Ariz., in search of better employment opportunities.
In August of that year – just six months after his last dance with Mahogany – Carson, 51, collapsed at their home and died. Shortly after Carson's death, King moved her three children back to the Milwaukee area.
When King’s oldest son, Tyshaun, then 16, saw a flier about the dance in January 2017, he asked Mahogany if he could step in for his father and take her to the dance. Mahogany said yes.
Mahogany and Tyshaun were at this year’s dance, too, continuing the tradition. King called into the Homer Blow Show and won tickets.
King said the dance boosted Mahogany's confidence and gave her memories with her dad she would not have had.
“She will never forget her first dance, now she can make new memories with her big brother,” King said.