On 27 March 2025, Newtown Supervisor John Mack, appeared at the famed Comedy Cabaret in Doylestown PA. His routine focused on local Newtown Township politics. Here's the full script: Good evening! Yes, I’m a Newtown Township Supervisor. Tonight, I’m going to talk about being a public SERVANT… Anybody here from Newtown? Let me apologize in advance! In case you haven’t noticed, I’m old… and also retired. Perfect qualifications for an elected Newtown official. Yes, I’ll be talking about politics – LOCAL POLITICS! I saw some faces…. LIKE COEN BROS FILMS, EVERYTHING I SAY HERE IS “TRUE.” (finger quotes) Before I became SupervisorGUY I was PharmaGUY. That’s P-H-A-R-M-A, not F-A-R-M-ER in case you think by the way I look that I used to raise cows for a living in MOO-town. That’s what my Brooklyn relatives called Newtown because cows were the first living things they saw after exiting 95 or whatever it’s called these days! Now there are no more cows…BUT PLENTY OF CHICKENS! Not living chickens! I’m talking about fast food chicken shops. There’s Lovebird Chicken, Love and Honey Fried Chicken, Zook’s BBQ Chicken, Skips Famous Lancaster Fried Chicken and… And, of course, there’s Chick-fil-A - which BELIEVE IT OR NOT wants to open a SECOND chicken shop in town! You know their logo – “EAT MORE CHICKEN!” *********** As Bubba might say, chicken is the food of Newtown: there’s pop corn chicken, Baja chicken, buffalo bleu chicken, tender benders chicken, Rocky’s hot sauce chicken, smoked chicken, spicy fried chicken, old bay fired chicken, parmesan chicken, oriental chicken, “OG” chicken, gluten free chicken… that’s about it. *********** So why did I decide to become a Supervisor in Newtown? Newtown residents complain about “Pleasantville” issues like SHEETZ versus WAWA or whether OLD NAVY is hip enough to open a store in town, or about the POUNDING BASS from the St. Paddy’s Day music festival on Sunday morning, THAT SORT OF STUFF. So, I figured being a Supervisor would be an easy gig. AND THEN THERE’S THAT YEARLY STIPEND of $4,125! SWEET, RIGHT? IDIOT ME! Little did I know how much time I would actually be spending as SUPERVISORguy! My hourly rate works out to be more like $6.25! Not even PA MINIMUM WAGE. Now I know why they call it being a public SERVANT! Not only that…I soon learned that residents complain about a lot of “SHIT”… and sometimes about REAL SHIT… Like the proposal to build a SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT in town!! The shit really hit the fan when Dozens of residents showed up at a Supervisors meeting wearing “STOP THE SHIT” T-SHIRTS… “True” (finger quotes) Story! But even “DEAD” residents complain! I was told that “some people in the town cemetery” were against my idea to build a sidewalk with curbing along the road adjacent to the cemetery. You know – for pedestrian safety! I don’t know how residents in a cemetery could be opposed to this…THEY’RE DEAD! But I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean a curb prevents cars from wandering onto walkways and killing pedestrians. Well maybe NOT MY JEEP WRANGLER – which I often drive over curbs, as my wife will verify. Anyway, I figure the cemetery wants more dead residents, right? Hey, I really can’t MAKE THIS SHIT UP! If you think this wasn’t a real issue brought up at a supervisor’s meeting, then YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT NEWTOWN! BUT, as you can guess, I’M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT … It’s time to move on to something where I get more RESPECT – LIKE BEING A STAND UP COMEDIAN!? On that note, just let me say that as a Supervisor, I am happy to be a servant of my town’s residents, living or DEAD!

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